Gabriel

Extract 10
Oh God. I've just read the last entry. It seems a lifetime ago. Was it really yesterday I was writing about having children? Now everything has changed. Yesterday I was a girl wanting to be a woman. Now I'm - I don't know.

Last night, before I went to bed, I was in my room. I was just stood there, thinking about the future, enjoying the happiness of it all. Then he came. Not Joseph, he wouldn't do such an improper thing. Not anyone I knew. Not anyone. An angel - a messenger from God - Gabriel himself. He stood there, in our house, in Nazareth. I thought I'd gone mad, fallen asleep, dreaming. But somehow it was more real than real and suddenly I was frightened. Not like with Abel, just his sheer presence, his realness - I don't know.

Then he spoke, he told me not to be afraid. He said that I had found favour with God. He said God wanted me to have his son. I blurted the first thing that came into my head - 'I'm not even married yet, I'm a virgin - how can that be?'. I realised immediately how foolish it was, but Gabriel smiled and told me what I knew, that with God all things are possible. He said that God's Spirit would come upon me and that I would become pregnant. Then he stopped and waited. I realised he was waiting for an answer. He wasn't telling me what had happened, he was asking permission so that it could happen.

I remembered passover, I remembered God's presence, I remembered the promises he had made to bring salvation to the world. I was overwhelmed by the privilege, the sense of worth. I said yes. '

Yes, let it be to me as you have said'.

He nodded and told me incredible news. Elizabeth, Uncle Zech's wife (who must be at least 50 - no really) was 6 month's pregnant with their first child! While I was working that out, he left. Disappeared. Just me in the room with all the family noise going on outside and even more noise inside my head.

Extract 11
I have to see Elizabeth. If she's pregnant, I'll know it wasn't a dream. I can't even begin to start thinking about what this means till I know for sure. It seemed so real, but even now when I read the words it seems distant, so unlikely, so unbelievable. Yet when I close my eyes, I can see him, hear him, sense God's presence through him.

I told the family that I have to visit Elizabeth - I didn't explain why, I can hardly believe it myself. I've never 'told' them anything before in my life. But I'm a woman now - more than that, a woman contracted to be married, no longer under their authority. I had to get permission from Joseph of course - how I'll miss him! But even more painful is the fact that I can't say anything to him yet. I have to know first; yet I need him, his strength, his kindness, his reassurance, his love. So I'm packed, some friends are coming most of the way with me, so I'll be safe.

In a couple of days time I'll know.