Telling Joseph

Extract 15

It's awful. At first it was lovely - everyone pleased to see me again, lots of hugs - the wonderful sense of being part of family. But in my heart I kept wondering if they would share my joy at what God had done. Eventually I got some time with Joseph. Everyone thought we were catching up and planning for the wedding. The wedding that isn't going to happen now.
At first he thought it was some kind of girls’ story. Then when he realised I was serious, when he looked at me and knew, then he was angry. 'An angel, sure he was an angel'. But it wasn't his anger that broke my heart. It was his disappointment, the thought that I'd betrayed him. 'Do you know how rare it is for men and women to actually love each other when the marriage is arranged? I thought we had that Mary. Everyone said you were special, said you loved God, loved what was right.'

I had no words - what could I say that I hadn't already said? I couldn't bear his pain. What a fool to think that others would share my joy. All they see is the shame, all they assume is the worst. And why not? Wouldn't I? Tears aren't enough to express how I feel. 12 weeks from joy to devastation. Where are your promises now God? All those words fell to the ground as I looked into his eyes and saw his heart break in two.

He's a good man, maybe the best of men. Even in his despair he wanted to spare me. He'll visit my Father tomorrow and agree the terms of the divorce. He said he'll do it quietly - I'll have to leave Nazareth of course - it won't be safe to be here branded as a harlot.

All generations will call me blessed? Right now my name is a curse.

Extract 16

Joseph arrived at the house early, I didn't see his face, couldn't bear to look. I heard my mother open the door. 'Good morning Ann', his voice sounded calmer than I expected. I waited, dreading what was next, the conversation with my Father, the shouting, the shame. I'd already packed, though I had no idea where to go other than to Elizabeth - I knew she would shelter me, even with their new baby, but I didn't know if Uncle Zech being a priest could allow it. But the storm never came. 'Can I see Mary' he asked.

We walked together, I fearing some onslaught, some accusation, something even worse than was already waiting. But he turned and looked me in the eye and said quietly. 'I saw him Mary - I saw Gabriel last night. He told me that I should have trusted you, that it is all true, that you are carrying God's son. He asked me to be his earthly father. To be your husband. Mary, I love you, will you marry me?'

I almost fell, the relief flooded through me - whatever happened now, I had my Joseph, my kind, strong Joseph to be by my side.

Extract 17

In the next few weeks I learned just how much I needed that kind strength. Of course, going ahead with the wedding, marrying someone who was more and more clearly pregnant meant only one thing in people's minds. I had slept with someone, that was for sure. If it hadn't been Joseph, then he would have divorced me. But he was marrying me - a clear sign of guilt. Both of us were sharing the blame, taking the punishment for something we had not done.

Now of course the wedding preparations were very different. No-one could be seen to sully themselves attending the wedding of such sinners. All my childhood dreams of a wonderful wedding under a canopy with my friends and family celebrating had turned to dust. Hard enough to find a priest who would even marry us in private. But there it was, done - and yet, somehow more special than I can say. Just Joseph, me and God, exchanging vows whilst His son listened and grew inside me.

Today I married the carpenter from Bethlehem!